Finally, a Wine Just for Women: We're Only Trying to Get Our Fun Buzz-On, No Lame Intellectual Stuff Please.
Ladies, so you know how we love wine? Like really love wine? And other than shopping and getting our nails done, our favorite pastime is sitting around together, gossiping about Brangelina and complaining that we have split ends, over a bottle of Riesling? Sometimes, we even decide to get cray-cray and open a second bottle. Wild things!
But everyone knows we don’t actually like like wine, as in: we don’t understand the complexities of flavor as it washes over our delicate palates. That’s why I am so incredibly OMG excited to announce that, finally, someone has made a wine just for us women, who are only trying get our bubbly, fun, buzz-on without being bogged-down by that lame intellectual stuff. You know what I’m saying, right girl?
The new collection of wines produced by Treasury Wine Estates, called “Be.” (No. That period. Is not. A typo. It’s actually part of the brand name, and it’s really damn distracting if you ask me. Wait, what am I saying, I’m a woman, I’m not smart enough to know about grammar and punctuation) was “created for the modern, Millennial woman by Millennial women,” according to the company’s press release. Whatever that’s supposed to mean…
Lucky for us lushes, there are four varieties of Be. to choose from: Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Riesling, and a Pink Moscato; because you have to have a pink wine, it’s obviously our favorite color.
Notice there are no reds, which makes complete sense. Red wine is only for men, in smoking jackets, to drink in their studies. And vampires. Duh. Women would never be caught dead sipping on Merlot — it might stain our lips, oh the horror!
What’s even better than the colors of the wine is that each wine corresponds with women’s moods; no need to waste time pairing the flavors with your meal, just choose from the wide variety of emotions you might be experiencing: Flirty, Fresh, Bright, and Radiant.
Um, what about Hostile, Exhausted, Headache, and Leave Me Alone? Because I, often, experience those as wine-drinking-moods, too. But no, Be. is all about the cheerful drinking experience. Heaven forbid we aren't in great moods all the time; frowning is forbidden. As we all know, frowning causes wrinkles and with a face full of wrinkles, we’ll never be able to find husbands. Way to look out for our future happiness, Be.! (Insert tampon commercial background music here)
I know you can all barely contain yourselves but don’t rush to your local liquor stores to Be. happy, just yet. It wont Be. there until April. So you’ll just have to Be. patient, ladies. Okay, I’ll stop now.
What do you think about the marketing of products towards female-only audiences? Does making products pink, frilly, etc. cross the line and become sexist and insult our tastes? Or is it positive and all-inclusive for us to have our own lines of products? Leave me some comments, and a little love! Or hate, your choice.